Mommy's Boys

All my kids will listen to their mom, when mommy gets mad they do what they are told.  With me, for some reason, I have to turn into a green rage monster to even get their attention.

Last night, my wife went out to handle some business.  I was home with the kids after work, I usually find myself in this role once a week so its not like its new.  My kids see this as a "get out of jail free" card and just proceed to act like maniacs the entire evening.  I am certain that 100% of this is my fault.  I tend to let little things slide, I don't get rough with the kids (unless they ask me to pick them up and drop them on the couch), and I am not what you call a disciplinarian.  Admittedly, when it comes to parenting, I am more of a "no blood, no foul" parent.

So... here is a typical night at home with the kids, sans mommy!

6:00 PM - Daddy gets home from work (I leave early on days when mommy leaves).  Eat dinner and listen to mommy tell me what horrible little things they have done that day (just kidding... its mostly all good things).

6:30 - Slip into some sweat pants and go snuggle into the floor of the living room (its gated off so the "heathens", otherwise known as the twins, can't hurt themselves more than your standard double back tuck off the couch.  Tell the big boys to go outside.  We have a big front yard and its still awesome outside, get off your arse and get outside and play with your brother.

6:45 - Take my first of many walks to the door to check on the boys.  I notice Carson has smuggled my iPod outside (against my rules), and is listening to Adele (boy likes some music).  Get into argument with Carson over the volume of the music.  Tell Becks to stay in the yard.

6:50 - Back to the living room, change a diaper.  UHHH.  What did you eat kid?  Its like melted plastic back here.  Notice other twin is now standing on their play table jumping up and down screaming.  Finish diaper, go get other twin.  But wait... what is this... other twin needs a new diaper.  Its like they somehow have a psychic connection which tells the other twin... time to poop!

6:55 - Screaming from the garage.  Becks has crashed his bike.  No major wounds just a scratch, from the sound you fully expect to go out and see a bone sticking out.  Nope... just a scratch.  Band-aid, slap on the butt for good luck.  Get back out there.  Hey Becks... Stay in the yard!  and tell Carson to turn down the damn radio.

7:00 - Feed the twins their next snack.  If you have ever seen the movie "Stitch"... yeah, we have two of those.  EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT, throw crackers at dog.

7:15 - Back outside to check on the boys.  Everything we own is now outside of the garage and piled up in the driveway into what Carson is calling a restaurant.  Me: "Get this crap back in the garage".  Carson: "I can't its our restaurant, what would  you like to order?"

7:20 - On the couch, twins are now LOCKED IN on Disney cartoons, somehow I am also sucked in and strangely concerned about the location of Sophia's magic locket and what has become of the mean Wizard.

7:30 - Outside. Me: "Pick up these mother frickin' toys and get them back in the garage".  30 minute warning to the boys, i.e. 30 mins till bath time.  Becks... STAY IN THE YARD!

7:45 - Pajama time for the twins, like dressing a pissed off pig.  The twins, which are not the best communicators let me know they want something to drink by taking their sippie cups and smashing them into my head and then throwing them into the kitchen, as if to say "fill it up, punk"

8:00 - Big boys... time to come in side.  Sometimes this is easy breezy, sometimes this is full on melt down like I just killed their bunny.  Nothing makes me more mad than a meltdown, I can literally feel the green rage monster forming under my skin.  Spend the next 10 minutes negotiating terms of a bath/shower.  Me: "If you come in now I will let you watch Kindle for 30 minutes".  Boys: "Make it an hour and we get chocolate".  Me: "45 minutes, after bath, one piece of chocolate".

8:15 - Take the twins to bed, best part of the evening.  Most nights they are like little bed time robots.  They climb the steps, laugh, run to their room, slam the door shut, laugh, then proceed to try to flip over their rocking chair.  Hugs... kisses... good night.  For the next hour I can hear the sound of squeaking mattresses as the twins literally jump up and down in their beds.  Non-stop.  Like its a friggin' rave in their.

8:20 - Scream at the big boys to brush their teeth and go to the potty, for the first time.  Note: this will occur at least 8 more times in the next 5 minutes.

8:30 - For the love of all that is good in the world son, go to the potty and brush your damn teeth.

8:45 - Hugs and kisses, Me: "Don't get out of bed, go to sleep"

8:50 - Me: "If you don't stay in your beds, I am gonna come back up here and freak out"

8:55 - Me: "Seriously, why can't you stay in your beds."

9:00 - RAGE MONSTER!  "AHHH! STAY IN BED!  MAKE DADDY ANGRY!"

9:05 - Give up!  Go to my bed defeated.  Tell my wife everything was awesome, because quite frankly... it was awesome.  I love fighting the good fight with the boys.  I just hope they don't spend 10 years of their adulthood on the shrink's couch talking about the green rage monster.

Wake up. Go to work. REPEAT!

Enjoy your day!  I sure enjoyed mine!!!