Friday, August 30, 2013

Yeah Football Season

I love fall.  Everything about it is awesome.  The weather, at least in this part of the country, is awesome with cool nights and warm days.  It's blue jeans and hoodie weather, which doesn't cause near the same amount of problems here as it does in Florida.  The beer is great and the food is great as both are flooded in the seasonal goodness that is pumpkin flavor.  However, please note, eating an actual pumpkin tastes like shit.  But on top of all that other general awesomeness is the return of football.

I love football, not in the "oh goodie my favorite team is on", but in the "yeah sure I will watch a Division III game between two teams which previously haven't won a game in 10 ten years".  I will watch high school games, and then incorrectly remember my own high school football tales of glory.  They are much better in my head than they ever were in real life.  I am a Bengals fan, which means the vast majority of my adulthood was spent angry on Sunday afternoons, but lately the happy Sunday is outpacing the "we suck" Sunday.  As a general rule, if you talk to me on Sunday you should check the score before you call!

Fall will be interesting for the family as well this year.  Carson is in first grade and Becks is in the Big K.   I took today off work (its a Friday), and I am sitting here typing while the twins play.  There is no reason for me to walk outside and curse "Put my friggin' tools back!" or "No, you can't use my flippin' chainsaw".  Both boys are somebody else's problem right now!!! Carson seems to be having a tough time with getting up early, at least he keeps waking up on the cranky ass side of his bed.   Not to mention every school night has been a fist fight at bed time, thankfully my wife doesn't take any shit from grammar school kids.  If it were just me, they would be up playing on-line poker after 10PM, because I am a sucker and poker skills are good for math.

We are going to try cub scouts with Carson this year.  I am a little gun shy because I get the feeling this will end up being an activity where I have to do a bunch of stuff and he pouts about having to go.  Hopefully I am wrong.  We all could use to learn some scout skills, you know... for when the Zombie Apocalypse sets in!  Side Note:  Walking Dead returns in October... yet another reason to love fall.  The scouts brochure is all about camping and fishing and outdoorsie crap, all of which I possess ZERO skills in.  It will make for a good blog post when I am the laughing stock of the jamboree!

Oh well... I am going to go take care of a little work on my day off.  Because I am a sucker!  Enjoy the long weekend, enjoy football season, enjoy fall, enjoy pumpkin muffins from dunkin donuts (seriously...), enjoy some pumpkin beers (soooo many good ones).

- Eric

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Mommy's Boys

All my kids will listen to their mom, when mommy gets mad they do what they are told.  With me, for some reason, I have to turn into a green rage monster to even get their attention.

Last night, my wife went out to handle some business.  I was home with the kids after work, I usually find myself in this role once a week so its not like its new.  My kids see this as a "get out of jail free" card and just proceed to act like maniacs the entire evening.  I am certain that 100% of this is my fault.  I tend to let little things slide, I don't get rough with the kids (unless they ask me to pick them up and drop them on the couch), and I am not what you call a disciplinarian.  Admittedly, when it comes to parenting, I am more of a "no blood, no foul" parent.

So... here is a typical night at home with the kids, sans mommy!

6:00 PM - Daddy gets home from work (I leave early on days when mommy leaves).  Eat dinner and listen to mommy tell me what horrible little things they have done that day (just kidding... its mostly all good things).

6:30 - Slip into some sweat pants and go snuggle into the floor of the living room (its gated off so the "heathens", otherwise known as the twins, can't hurt themselves more than your standard double back tuck off the couch.  Tell the big boys to go outside.  We have a big front yard and its still awesome outside, get off your arse and get outside and play with your brother.

6:45 - Take my first of many walks to the door to check on the boys.  I notice Carson has smuggled my iPod outside (against my rules), and is listening to Adele (boy likes some music).  Get into argument with Carson over the volume of the music.  Tell Becks to stay in the yard.

6:50 - Back to the living room, change a diaper.  UHHH.  What did you eat kid?  Its like melted plastic back here.  Notice other twin is now standing on their play table jumping up and down screaming.  Finish diaper, go get other twin.  But wait... what is this... other twin needs a new diaper.  Its like they somehow have a psychic connection which tells the other twin... time to poop!

6:55 - Screaming from the garage.  Becks has crashed his bike.  No major wounds just a scratch, from the sound you fully expect to go out and see a bone sticking out.  Nope... just a scratch.  Band-aid, slap on the butt for good luck.  Get back out there.  Hey Becks... Stay in the yard!  and tell Carson to turn down the damn radio.

7:00 - Feed the twins their next snack.  If you have ever seen the movie "Stitch"... yeah, we have two of those.  EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT, throw crackers at dog.

7:15 - Back outside to check on the boys.  Everything we own is now outside of the garage and piled up in the driveway into what Carson is calling a restaurant.  Me: "Get this crap back in the garage".  Carson: "I can't its our restaurant, what would  you like to order?"

7:20 - On the couch, twins are now LOCKED IN on Disney cartoons, somehow I am also sucked in and strangely concerned about the location of Sophia's magic locket and what has become of the mean Wizard.

7:30 - Outside. Me: "Pick up these mother frickin' toys and get them back in the garage".  30 minute warning to the boys, i.e. 30 mins till bath time.  Becks... STAY IN THE YARD!

7:45 - Pajama time for the twins, like dressing a pissed off pig.  The twins, which are not the best communicators let me know they want something to drink by taking their sippie cups and smashing them into my head and then throwing them into the kitchen, as if to say "fill it up, punk"

8:00 - Big boys... time to come in side.  Sometimes this is easy breezy, sometimes this is full on melt down like I just killed their bunny.  Nothing makes me more mad than a meltdown, I can literally feel the green rage monster forming under my skin.  Spend the next 10 minutes negotiating terms of a bath/shower.  Me: "If you come in now I will let you watch Kindle for 30 minutes".  Boys: "Make it an hour and we get chocolate".  Me: "45 minutes, after bath, one piece of chocolate".

8:15 - Take the twins to bed, best part of the evening.  Most nights they are like little bed time robots.  They climb the steps, laugh, run to their room, slam the door shut, laugh, then proceed to try to flip over their rocking chair.  Hugs... kisses... good night.  For the next hour I can hear the sound of squeaking mattresses as the twins literally jump up and down in their beds.  Non-stop.  Like its a friggin' rave in their.

8:20 - Scream at the big boys to brush their teeth and go to the potty, for the first time.  Note: this will occur at least 8 more times in the next 5 minutes.

8:30 - For the love of all that is good in the world son, go to the potty and brush your damn teeth.

8:45 - Hugs and kisses, Me: "Don't get out of bed, go to sleep"

8:50 - Me: "If you don't stay in your beds, I am gonna come back up here and freak out"

8:55 - Me: "Seriously, why can't you stay in your beds."


9:05 - Give up!  Go to my bed defeated.  Tell my wife everything was awesome, because quite frankly... it was awesome.  I love fighting the good fight with the boys.  I just hope they don't spend 10 years of their adulthood on the shrink's couch talking about the green rage monster.

Wake up. Go to work. REPEAT!

Enjoy your day!  I sure enjoyed mine!!!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Coney Island

Saturday was the annual "Twins Day" at Coney Island, so its an annual thing for us.  Last year was an absolute nightmare we were there for about ten minutes, the twins were insane little scream monsters and the big boys were too small to ride most of the rides (at least Becks was too small).

This year had to be better...

It didn't start off better!  The boys and I had been at a birthday  party earlier in the day, so we were already tired out.  And thanks to Becks putting a solid crack to Carson's face, Carson pulled his last baby front tooth (pic is on the twitter feed).  Tooth fairy had to go to the ATM!  But I digress, when we got to Coney the twins were not having it.  Grant screamed for 10 minutes straight.  I tried holding him, feeding him, letting him run, sticking him in the chair, nothing... just screaming.  That is... until he found rocks.  If you have ever been to Coney you know the picnic area is a big (crappy) playground covered in pebbles.  It seems all my children need to find joy is crappy playground covered in pebbles.  Grant walked around the area for 30 minutes as follows:  step, bend, pick up rocks, throw rocks, laugh, repeat.  It was like magic happy sauce.  It purged whatever demon he was wielding and before we finished our picnic he was again a happy, albeit dirty, child.

So we slapped on the leashes, we have these supper cute baby leashes which I HIGHLY recommend if you have a runner (or two), and went to the park.

The park was a bit of a mixed bag.  You can imagine what twin two year olds running on leashes looks like and when we are all moving in the same direction its cute, but when Grant goes one way and Gabe goes the other, it looks a little "rough", but we endured and no one called child services... WIN!

The rides were awesome.  Carson is big enough (and brave enough) to ride everything with me.  We did the roller coaster and the drop (elevator tower thing).  He was awesome.  Loved 'em and wanted back on as soon as we got off.  Becks is not quite ready.  The tower was a no go from sight, and while we did do the roller coaster together, I can admit the sheer look of terror on his face at the first drop was a bit more than I wanted him to endure.  The "get me off this thing" screams sure make for a "I am the worst parent in the history of parenting moment", which lasts for 2 full minutes during the ride.  All in all it was a HUGE win for the Stary Family at Coney.  Becks even won at the ring toss game, which is friggin' rigged.  I could have played a 1000 times and never won, Becks won on his second toss.  BOOM!

Good Day, Great Weekend, Now... get back to work.

Side note: The neck tattoo count at Coney is ridiculous!

Friday, August 16, 2013

Wisdom Teeth

I am 36 and 11/12ths, I have had a really good run lately with the dentist after basically going 10 years without going (things you don't do in your 20's).  At today's visit, my 4th in the last two years, the dentist mentioned that my wisdom teeth, still sitting patiently in my jaw could be a "problem" down the line.

Insert sad face!

If I have to get my wisdom teeth removed in my 40's because of aging gums, I will cry (just a little) every day for 10 years.  Not only do I not want to have to deal with the pain, I can fairly well assume my crap ass insurance won't cover but a speck of the bill.  Nothing like having to pay through the nose for your teeth.

Oh well... nothing I can do.  At least when it finally happens it will probably inspire a funny story or two for


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

First Day of School

Carson is now in first grade.  Becks is in kindergarten.  The Twins are, well they are still pooping themselves but damn it they will be in school soon too.  Its crazy how fast it seems to go.  Pics Pics

The first day of school is a weird day.  You picked out your favorite clothes, your best shoes, your new backpack.  You went to giant building filled with 100s to 1000s of other freaked out kids.  You sat down at your desk and then you tried to find another kid who looked or acted or dressed like you.  Misery loves company.

It must be especially weird in first grade and the big K.  Its not like you really know these kids, sure you may know some of the from the hood' but you don't know who this funny smelling kid in the seat next to you is. What are you gonna do if that kid is a turd?  Now you are stuck with the turd, all year!  And let's not even get started on the bus or the lunch room!

My stomach will be in knots all day for my kids, I don't pity that anxiety.  Sure, I am secretly jealous that they have their entire lives in front of them, but those first day of school butterflies.  They can keep them.

Boys, I wish you luck.  Have fun.  Make friends.  Listen to your teachers.  Be safe!  Come home safe!  I love you and I am proud of you.  Now, go kick some school ass!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


I got 159 page views yesterday, that made me $1.32.  What should I do with all that cash, money!  Perhaps a cup of the finest gas station coffee, 16 ounces of semi-hot truck stop black gold.  BOOM!

New Topic: Trophies.  So the boys got their baseball trophies yesterday, the season has been over for a month now, but we finally had the season ending picnic/trophy presentation.  You should have seen the look of pride on their faces when the coach handed them that plastic piece of awesomeness.  Becks dropped a vicious fist pump, Carson liked his so much he washed when we got home.  They now adorn their dresser as landmarks to their summer.  I still had most of my childhood trophies until just a few years ago when I finally tossed them out (jackass).  My favorite was my "T-ball Champs" trophy, which in hindsight knowing that 4 year old baseball is played without keeping score, lost a little of its luster!  But damn it, I was proud of that thing for the first 30 some odd years I had it!  Another favorite was my "Offensive Linemen of the Year" trophy from 5th grade football.  Who says being a chubby kid with good feet doesn't pay off?

I hope you day sucks less than normal.

- Eric

Monday, August 12, 2013

Week Off

So last week I made a conscious effort to eat as much as I could throughout the day.  I bought a bad of almonds and peanut m&ms and a box of protein bars.  I lifted heavy and shoveled the food in.  I gained 6 lbs in a week.  A WEEK!

I am good at gaining weight.

So that experiment worked a little too well.  I am gonna  have to pull back a bit or I am going to need to go back to my "fat pants" by the end of the month.

I really liked my workout that I put together and I will certainly keep that going.  I think I am going to move the cardio (running) to the start of the workout to make sure I don't skip it.  Then move to the weights.  I am going to cut way back on the carbs for a couple weeks, see how that treats me.

Enjoy the week!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

The Fair

Yesterday was our annual outing to the Boone County Fair.  Not only is it the best deal in family fun (8 bucks for unlimited rides), but its the single best source of neck tattoo viewing in the greater metro area.

The boys did pretty good, we are in a weird age where the kiddie rides are getting boring for them, but the adult rides are still a little too much.  We rode some coaster thing together and about half way through the screams of joy turned into... are we done?

The big hit was the Ferris wheel.  The boys loved it.  Nothing like being stuck up 100 feet in the air with your life in the hands of Carnie.

We ate too much junk and brought home so donuts for Sunday morning.  Side note: fair donuts are awesome!

See the pics in the twitter feed.  Good Times!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Guess What?!?!

Football season is just 4 weeks away!  #WhoDey

OK.  So my wife is talking with this friend of hers who has a friend of hers who runs a couponing blog with over 5000 readers.  I think to myself, I am funny, interesting, not too bad on the eyes.  I have got to give this another go (which will be my 15th).

I think the problem is that I am not obsessed about... well... anything!

I am pretty big on the family stuff, but 5000 people aren't interested in pics of my kids eating donuts.  My job is boring, I stink at golf, I don't look the part of a guy with a workout blog, I don't drink enough beer for a beer site, and while I do like to eat I don't think 5000 people are going to read about how the folded over Dorito is quite possibly the greatest thing in the world.

So what can I do... What can I say to get 5000 readers.  My career obviously isn't going anywhere :)

This can be as good a hobby as anything else, and it would leave a legacy.  Sort of...

OK.  I will try this again.  I will spend less time looking up funny videos on YouTube.  I will spend more time telling people who don't exist how interesting I am, even if I have to fake it.


- Eric