Chapter 4: Married

 

Why yes... I do have earrings in that picture. Two on the left and one on the right. If I were any cooler, my stuff would freeze. 

It is 2004. We are engaged and planning our wedding. And I use the term "we" loosely. If you know my wife, you know she was the epitome of style. And my girl could have planned the invasion of Normandy. She planned the wedding from top to bottom. The dress, the flowers, the reception, the church. I still consider myself lucky that she told me when to show up and what to wear.

The thing I remember the most about getting married was finding a church. We were not churchgoers nor where we very religious. Cyndi and I shared a belief that we don't know what awaits us in the great beyond and not knowing was OK with us. Something that has been present on my mind a lot over the last few days and weeks.

But no one would marry us. Every church we contacted said no. I wanted her to get married in a church. She deserved that, and her family deserved that. Her grandmother deserved to give her away in a church. We finally found a church that was willing to marry us, but before the would commit they wanted to interview us. I guess in some way to find out if we were marriage material, as if they would call it off if we failed their tests. I clearly remember the pastor asking us why we wanted to get married. I admit I was a bit offended by the question and I probably gave some jerk response. Hindsight would have me answer that question differently.

"I want to get married because this woman is my person. She is bound to me and I am bound to her. We want to make a family and to make a life that would be worthy of any church. I will love her with my whole heart for as long as I am."

I don't know that pastor's name. But I would like him to know that the couple he married, that cold January day, was married for 17 years. They made beautiful babies together, and they made each other very happy.

Back to the story... Once we finally nailed down the church, all that was left was to get married. I will save the story of the bachelor party for another time, but ask me... It is pretty good. And don't worry no one was harmed or irreparably damaged.

We got married on January 29, 2005. A date that I would forget every year. One year we were talking about going out to dinner for our anniversary and I was sure it was Jan 25. Again... I am so lucky she could see past my flaws. As you would expect, it was cold that day. It snowed that day, not a lot but enough for us all to notice. I was sitting outside before the ceremony with one of my groomsmen and we remarked on how cool it was to watch the snow fall on our ceremony.

I was really nervous about the service. I remember being terrified I would say the wrong name. You may recall that famous Friends episode where Ross says the wrong name at his wedding. I had gotten that into my head and like a bad dream, I couldn't quite shake it. I was back behind the wedding arch, in the pastor's office with my best man. He kept pointing out how nervous I was. I just wanted everything to go right for her.

When the ceremony started, I got all choked up. Knowing how much of a "softy" I have become I should have seen that coming, but I didn't. It was almost like an out of body experience. The pastor could have said anything, and I would have repeated it word for word. "Eric do you take this woman, to beat you about the head and neck from this day forward?". "I do". I don't remember what, but I do remember the pastor screwed something up. I remember it diffusing the tension. And just like that... "You may kiss the bride!".

The reception was small. Several people didn't come because the weather wasn't perfect. I still remember the people who didn't come. And no... I have not forgiven them. We entered the reception to Blur, "Song 2".  "Woo Hoo"!!!

Like I said the reception was small, but I remember having so much fun. Both my grandmas out on the dance floor dancing to "Hey-Ya". I told the DJ not to play country, and 5 minutes in he plays Cotton-Eyed Joe. 

Her stepmom and dad asking us if we were going to start a family right away. I thought "let's let them put the buffet away before we start making babies". They surprised us at the reception by paying the rest of the bill. Such a nice gesture, one I never forgot.

We didn't eat, we were too busy walking around shaking hands and collecting hugs. Cyndi had made chocolate dipped fortune cookies and put them on all the tables. At the end of the night it was the only food left. She and I walked around gobbling up these cookies. It was a tradition she often repeated on our anniversaries. Chocolate dipped fortune cookies for the win.

Mr. and Mrs. Stary would spend the next 17 years together. That pastor should be proud, he married a winner.

Next Chapter... Making babies... well... having, I will keep making to myself.

Chapter 3: The One.

 

We dated for several years before getting married. Those early years were great. I fondly remember sleeping in at her apartment. I had a place the first year, but once we really became an item, I quite literally only went home to change clothes and come back to her place. Her bedroom had one window and it faced the woods. My girl loved to sleep, and she had these curtains that blocked out every bit of light. At 45 years old, I can't recall a more calm peaceful feeling that sleeping in that bed till late in the afternoon.

I have a terrible memory for day to day stuff, it was always Cyndi's job to remember the little stuff and one that she did so well. But I do remember the big things, and that is what I want to share here.

The First Time I Said "I Love You".

We had probably been dating for a few weeks. I don't recall why but I was out with friends and she was out with her friends. It was probably the last weekend that we didn't spend together for 20 years. I had a few too many cocktails and instead of taking me home, I asked our least intoxicated driver to drop me off at her apartment. I specifically remember she wasn't home. I knew she wasn't home but I had them drop me off there anyway. I remember being a little too tipsy to stand, so I just sat down in the hallway by her door and waited for her. She arrived sometime later (could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours again), but she too had a few cocktails. She reached down to help me up and I distinctly remember just blurting out "I Love You". She said "I Love You Too". As a bit of an aside, is there any greater set of four words in all of language than "I Love You Too".

At Cyndi's service, one of her friends and one of the people she was out with that night, told me that she said she was going to get me. That she was going to marry me and have my babies. Now I don't know if this happened the same night, but for the purpose of this Lifetime movie I will just say it did. Them saying that to me was beyond a doubt the greatest honor of my life. Just to know that in a moment without me, she thought the same way about me that I thought of her.

Over the next couple of years we went to a lot of weddings together. I love weddings. I love "love", and there is just something about a wedding that is so hopeful, so optimistic. I am sure that going to all those weddings with her just made me every little bit more smitten than I would have otherwise been. I would sell my soul to have one of those nights back, to do over. Just to savor those moments when it was just the two of us. In love, no responsibility, no cares, nothing standing in our way.

Proposing

We had been together for 3 years by the time I proposed. We already owned a house and a dog, so we were in a sense already married. I don't know why I dragged my feet before I put a ring on it, but I did. We were planning our life together, so it was going to be a bit anticlimactic but it was still the next thing to do. I reached out to one of Cyndi's closest friends and got some intel on what kind of ring to buy. I am 28 at this point and making less than $30K a year. I shopped for the ring on-line, and today that seems like a normal thing, I don't think in 2004 it was as common a thing. I was lucky I didn't get scammed.

I got the ring, a princess cut, 0.7 carat diamond. It was delivered to the house, the one we already owned together. I remember getting the ring and being so excited to give it to her. I had literally had no idea what to do or how to do it, I just wanted to give her the ring because I thought it would make her happy. After all... it was kind of a forgone conclusion by this point.

Did I put a trail of rose petals down that lead to the bedroom, where I waited in a suit on one knee? Nope. I got home before her. I took the ring out of the box and examined it. I waited like a kid who got up early on Christmas morning for her to get home from work. She walked in, and I had the biggest grin on my face, ear to ear. I pulled the ring out and in my most romantic voice I said "so... do you wanna?".

That is what I said. Again... I am so lucky she could see past the flaws. "Well...".

"Yes!"

I was relieved to have it over. I was so nervous. Not that she would say no, but that I would somehow mess it up.  And clearly... I delivered with the "do you wanna?".  I was so happy that she was happy. We were engaged... now to get married.

Next Chapter... Getting Hitched...

Chapter 2: Our First Date

 

So... Dating...

I was in grad school at NKU when we started dating. Pre-Cyndi Eric was notoriously late. I was late to everything. I once missed a Chemistry exam because I was so late getting to school. This first date was no different. I don't remember why but I was running behind, you can be sure it wasn't causing I was fixing my hair or ironing my clothes. But I was late none-the-less. I showed up to get her 30 minutes later than planned, she often told me how she was just about ready to write me off. As an aside, Cyndi was never late. I am also never late anymore, she managed to fix that.

I had one move on dates, I took all my first dates to Behle Street Cafe down in Covington. It was nicer than Applebee's, not as expensive as Ruby's and if the date sucked, at least I knew the food was good. I thought this place added a cool factor to me, that I didn't have on my own. I picked her up in my Explorer. I want you to close your eyes and imagine the grossest car you can imagine, and now imagine going to pick up the future love of your life knowing the car smells like someone took a dump in the glove box. Side note... I once lost an Arby's Beef-n-Cheddar in the car, how does one "lose" a sandwich in a car. You can imagine what that smelled like in a few days.

So... I have my future bride in my stank-mobile and we are headed to my idea of a bougie place where I plan to impress her enough to let me make out with her. If you remember Covington Landing it had this underground parking garage, with the large concrete pillars between the spots. I don't know why but I tried to back into the parking spot. I am a terrible driver. I scratched the side of the Explorer right down the side of the concrete. I put a 4 foot scratch down the passenger side of the car. Obviously, my date is impressed.

Just think at how the deck is stacked against me at this point. I was late, my car smells like rancid beef, and I just raked my car across a concrete pillar. Somehow, by the grace of God, she continued on the date. I don't remember what she was wearing but I remember what she ordered.  Chicken tenders and a Killian's. The moment she ordered that beer, I was in love. I ordered capellini marinara and a New Castle. 

The date went easy, you know what I mean? The conversation was easy, I didn't feel like I had to impress her and I am damn sure you didn't need to try to impress me. I don't think I ate half of my food, and this coming from a Board Member of the Clean Plate Club (25 year old Eric does not miss meals). We spent most of the date turned toward each other, not facing the table but facing each other. Our server, knew it was our first date and she kept teasing me.

About halfway through that second New Castle, I asked her if I could kiss her. I always used to ask. Better to ask than to lean in and have the other person lean back... remember paralyzing fear of rejection. She agreed and I leaned in for a solid PG rated moment. Right as we were headed to PG-13, the server comes over to the table and leans in to say "hey did I just ruin your first kiss".  We all laugh, and we went right back at it. 

We finished the date and I took her home. We kept it Hallmark appropriate on that first date, but I knew in that moment.  I was, as I often joked with her, trying to "date-around". I was trying (very unsuccessfully) to date multiple women.  But it very quickly just became Cyndi. All of those other women went on to find far better husbands for them than I could have been. The Universe has a way of taking care of those people that deserve to be taken care of. 

Next... Chapter 3. More dating...