Chapter 9: Back to KY

 

In April of 2016, we found ourselves getting kicked out of California. The cost of buying a home in Cali was still out of reach for us (we could not have put together a down payment even if we just robbed a bank), and our landlord was evicting us. Our two year lease was up and he had told us that he would not renew us, even though we had previously agreed that we would be in the house for four years.

We had two choices, to find a new place in Cali or to move to a place where we could afford a house. We could have moved anywhere but our home was back in Northern Kentucky. So home we would go.

As I mentioned in the California chapter, when we left for California we were in debt. Our family net worth was -$20,000. We had no savings, we had no equity, I was upside down on two car loans and a house. California was a risk, it could have ended very badly. It was very stressful on our marriage. Our families lost loved ones while we were thousands of miles away. But we were done here now, our little adventure was over. We had money in the bank, we were still a team, and we had grown in ways I would have never thought possible.

When we made the decision to leave I walked into work that next day and told them I was moving back to KY. They could let me be remote or I would resign. The choice was theirs. They tried to convince me I was throwing my career away by leaving California. Needless to say that was not a strong selling point for me (and of note later... the move did not hurt my career or my earning power.. at all).

So we have been evicted by our landlord. He wanted to sell our house and wanted us out of it to sell. In his defense, its awfully hard to sell a house with my family of six plus two dogs living in it. We had two weeks to find a home and move 2500 miles or we would be homeless. I put Cyndi on a plane with a price limit and told her to go find us a house. I had complete trust in her, I mean after all... look at her choice of spouse. 

She would FaceTime me as she walked through the houses, but to be honest I didn't care. She would not fail us. She did not. She found us a house in Burlington, KY. It was a new home, in the right county, close to the airport, in the right school district, and just slightly above the limit I had asked her to stay under. A theme my wife would repeat again in a few years. :)

The move was chaotic. I had written a great blog post about the move, that I think I may have accidentally deleted. That is a real shame. I will have to tell some of the story again for the book. But this Chapter and today is about Cyndi, so I will save that story for another time.

Getting back to KY is really when Cyndi came into her own. She hit "peak Cyndi" if you will. Maybe it is the 45 year old man in me, but look at that picture. She was gorgeous. The kids weren't babies anymore. We had a little more time for us again. She had more time for herself, for the first time in years. I was working remotely, but traveling fairly often. I know the weeks I was traveling were hard for her, but at least we had the weeks between trips where we were together all day. I don't know if I am looking back through rose colored glasses, but I don't think she got too sick of me. 

We got to do all of the things that we struggled with in California. She spent more time with her friends and family again. She got to spend some very important time with her Grandmother. We volunteered at the school and the YMCA. I struggle to think of singular events that took place between 2016 and 2019. It is like our life just suddenly became easy. It might have been even a little boring. But I am confident in saying that both of us would have gladly chosen boredom with each other than excitement without.

In late 2018 we decided that we needed to expand, we needed a bigger house. Having the twins in the same room was OK for now, but it was going to quickly start to become a problem. We shopped around, but builders don't build 5 bedroom houses. These mini-mansions we all see around us, still just 4 bedrooms. We looked at different neighborhoods, even discussed moving a little further away. However, we settled on a plot of land that was immediately 12 feet to the right. There was an open lot next to our current house. The builder had a plan for a 5 bedroom home that they could build on that lot, so again my wife made the call and we built a new house.

Moving next door has its advantages. The move was pretty easy. The kids didn't have to make new friends or start a new school. We didn't have to meet new neighbors, and I didn't need to hire a moving truck. We got to watch the house rise up out of the ground, like watching a baby grow.

This is Cyndi's house. She picked everything in it. The flooring, the paint, the furniture, the furnishings, everything was hand picked by her. It makes being in this house without her simultaneously joyous and painful. I see her influence everywhere I look. I see the good memories and the bad memories with equal clarity. Everyone tells me that with time, I will forget the bad ones. Maybe, maybe not.

It brought me great joy and tremendous pride to get this house for her. I always saw Cyndi as my personal version of Jackie O. She had grace and class that I don't have on my own, and it was nice to put her in a home that I thought matched that class. It turns out, we really needed the space too as we got into 2020 and COVID took over.

We took an anniversary trip to Mexico in January 2020, for our 15th. When we got back home from that trip COVID had its grip on the world. Its hard to find blessings in the midst of all this pain. But both that trip and the COVID year are clearly blessings. The trip to Mexico would prove to be the last time we took a trip, just the two of us. I wish we would have taken a moment or two to enjoy it just a little more. In February 2020 I took the last work trip that I have taken up to today. In March 2020 the kids would be sent home from school for home schooling. 

At the time this just seemed like a giant pain in the ass. But again, in hindsight. It was a blessing of time together. Cyndi became the teacher for the rest of 2020 and the entire next school year. That is four kids, in three different grades. Three of the kids had learning difficulties. But as Team Stary we overcame. She would handle the reading, the english, the literature, the art, the music, and I would handle the math and the science. Just like in the rest of life we even complimented each other as teachers. My weaknesses were her strengths, of paramount importance during this time included her patience. We would always tell the kids, we know this is hard. But we will get through it together. A sentence I find myself repeating to them all the time now.

Now... It wasn't all bad. After all... we don't like most people. :) 

We didn't mind a little space. We didn't mind a little distance from everyone, at least for a little while.

We decided to put in a pool that year. We had planned to do it before all of this COVID nonsense started. When we found a builder he told us there was a year wait. He told us he could get our pool done in August. He was the ONLY builder that would even return my phone calls. But COVID ran everyone off, by March that year he was calling me, begging me to get the process started so they could come put the pool in as soon as they get the all clear on the permits. I was terrified about the thought of dropping that kind of dough on a hole in the ground. Cyndi wanted that pool. She wanted that space. She was not having my cold feet. I caved.

The pool becomes this other blessing. We spent that whole summer in the pool. The six of us, together, in the back yard nearly every single day. It would turn out to be the last summer we had together with her healthy. Her cancer would become aggressive in May the next year, but more about that next Chapter.

During that summer we had both got in pretty good shape. She had lost weight. She was walking everyday, watching what she ate, and swimming around in the pool. She would get in the pool and do these silly little water aerobic dance moves. Just moving around in the water, but she would do it until that damn Apple Watch gave her credit for 30 minutes of exercise.

She had become the best version of herself. It was inspiring. She made me want to be the best version of myself. As a married couple and as a family, we had reached this place where life wasn't as hard anymore. We had money, we had our health, we had our dream house, hell I had even just bought her a dream car. I loved that I could provide her this life. It made me feel successful beyond any other measure. 

That joy was short lived... just two months after the picture above was taken we would find the cancer and our life would change again.

Next... Chapter 10: The one that will be hard to write.